Re: helen hill - response

From: Freya (email suppressed)
Date: Sun Jan 14 2007 - 19:05:23 PST

> misguided, i can't help but feel that there's
> something a little bit
> self indulgent when freya writes

> so let me get this right, based on descriptions of
> her you are upset?

No. You have that wrong. Not just based on
descriptions no, but also about the whole background
of what happened but the descriptions of the person
ALSO had an effect on me too yes that's true.

Most of the stuff in the news is just descriptions,
and sometimes people get sad and upset or angry about
fictional stuff on the tv like drama etc which doesn't
even have the pretence of being real.

> this is the same kind of mawkishness that happened
> when princess
> diana died and frankly makes no sense. are you sad

The descriptions on this list are from real people,
the stuff on the tv about princess diana might as well
be fictional. Maybe it is?

> when somebody you
> don't know who doesn't make films, doesn't make
> fanzines, and doesn't
> have a pet pig dies? after all many many people who

I guess it's because for some stupid reason I still
identify with the people who make experimental films.
I feel that the films are important and feel sad when
they rot away, even when I have never seen them. I
feel sad the films are not more available.

I guess that's because I still look to experimental
film as an alternative to the mainstream of films. I
have some bizzare expectation that yes I might share
something with the other film makers/other people who
are interested, and I guess if I didn't then I
wouldn't be on this list because that is preety much
what it is here for.

A lot of my real life experience runs contrary to this
however, so there may be an element of looking for
something that isn't there, probably the story of
helen hill fits in more easily with what I would like
the world of experimental film and video to be like,
at least in part. However it's possible that Helen
Hill had a really, really horrible nasty side that few
people ever saw but that I might have brung out of her
if I had ever met her! She could have had a lot of
nasty views I wouldn't agree with. Who knows really.

So yes I have an idealised idea of certain things that
is hard to shake free of but also is perhaps something
that people need to a certain extent.

> are like that
> died in, or as a result of, New Orleans flooding and
> the socio-
> cultural aftermath of these events.

Yes I was very upset about the people who died in New
Orleans and even more about those who survived and
were abandoned. I mentioned this in some detail but it
was edited out of your quote.

Of course the more you know of someone the more
upsetting it will be.

As with films, if you only have the name of a film you
probably miss it less than if there are clips or
photos of a film that no longer exists. I still feel
sad about the lost films for which there is little
information however.

> moreover while i would agree that poverty and
> hopelessness have an
> effect on crime i hardly think that the usa
> government (who i am
> obviously not a fan of) are the only people guilty
> here, let's be
> honest the crime rate in new orleans was hardly low
> when the
> democrats were on office.

??? hmmmm I personally don't believe that the
situation now is the same as when the democrats were
in office, but I guess I can't be sure really.

It's my impression based on my own experiences that
the more a place deteriorates the more the bad stuff
happens. I believe that the disaster would have had a
profound effect on the situation in New Orleans.

Your reply seems to suggest some party political
aspect to the matter however which was not something I
mentioned or meant to suggest.

> please note that i do not doubt that you feel
> genuinely upset, but i
> think that this reads like you are colonizing her
> death, seeing in
> her something that is like you, but rather than

She is actually very different to me as I'm not vegan
or a mother and I don't have a pet pig or any pets for
that matter. I probably see something that is like me
in a lot of people however. I'm probably partly
feeling sad and upset because she seems like someone I
would have liked to have met. That may be the bit that
is self indulgent you are right. I don't have a
problem with that tho and I'm not sure why I should
need to do so. Perhaps if I could answer that question
then I would understand some of the fundemental things
that are wrong with me.

I'm not sure, now I think about it, that I really
understand what the phrase self indulgent means.
Indulging myself is generally something I like to do
which accounts for my present dental situation.

I shall go and wiki it later. I feel silly as it's a
preety basic phrase I've never really bothered
thinking about.

> taking that as an
> inspiration or way forward you are "heartbroken" and
> then full of
> "hate" for the government.

The hate for the government thing does not relate
directly to the death of Helen Hill.

> perhaps, rather than dwell on her death as a source
> for sadness and
> hate, use the example of her life...

It's partly the example of her life that upsets me a
great deal I'm afraid.

I'm sorry if my mail upset and annoyed you.



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